Archive for October, 2010
October 26, 2010 at 11:36 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under The Adoption Constellation
Adoption Mosaic’s The Adoption Constellation magazine is now available for free on-line! Subsequent issues will be available in print to purchase individually or by subscription.
Download your copy here>>
Read my past post about the process of creating The Adoption Constellation.
Submit your writing to The Adoption Constellation! Submission guidelines can be found here>>
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In this pioneer issue of The Adoption Constellation magazine, readers will be introduced to our three columnists Maureen, Shelise and Catherine, each writing from their perspective as a birth mother, adopted person, and adoptive mother. In “Professionally Speaking”, two experts in the field of adoption address the same adoption issue. This is one of my favorite features of the magazine, not just because we get the opportunity to benefit from two different perspectives, but because it also illustrates how there is never only one right answer when it comes to adoption and adoption issues. I’m so proud to have Dr. John Raible and Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao participating in this first issue as I know I am not alone in having a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for them both.
We have a beautiful essay from New York Times best selling author Jennifer Lauck’s forthcoming book Found, an interview with adoption pioneer Dr. Richard Boas, and back by popular demand, Adoption Mosaic Executive Director, Astrid Dabbeni will now take your questions in her much loved column “Ask Astrid.” Also, throughout the magazine you will find the artwork of Kellie Marian Hill and Anne Sibley O’Brian, who have both graciously allowed us to include their work.
We begin the magazine with the feature “Two Sides of the Coin” where we examine adoption issues from various angles. Sometimes it takes looking at alternate perspectives to be able to recognize the truth in both of them.
I want to thank all the amazing people who have contributed to The Adoption Constellation. It has been an honor to be amongst such talent, and to the readers, I hope you enjoy this magazine as much as I have enjoyed being a part of creating it.
October 18, 2010 at 11:41 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Blogs, Adult Adoptee, Finding a Voice, Identity, International Adoption, Korea, Search & Reunion
Every once in a while you read an article or a blog post that just hits you where you live. I read this post from Outlandish Remarks: A Queer Korean Adoptee Talks Back weeks ago, and it has stayed with me, and stayed and stayed. It’s an intense post. The feelings it surfaced in me were feelings of reunion, not with my people, but with my country. I have not reunited with my birth family. I probably never will. Not because the odds of finding them are not in my favor, but because, for many reasons, it is unlikely I will ever begin a search.
I have, however, reunited with my country, Korea. And ever since, I have continued a love/hate and complicated relationship with it. I have completely personified this country. It is the mother who gave birth to me. It is the earth where my roots grasp deep underground. It is the mother who “put me up” for adoption, and the home that rejects me still.
Years ago, after college, I took a little trip to Korea with a friend. I went blind, meaning that I gave little thought to the significance of where I was going, what I was doing. All of my processing took place in the thick of the journey that was intended to last one month, but ended up lasting three years. Still more of my processing took place several years later when I was fortunate enough to own a business that took me to Asia twice a year and I was able to stop in Korea for a few days each time. I am processing still.
It was a bitter pill to swallow when I first learned the majority of children who were adopted from Korea years after the Korean war, were not adopted out because of poverty, but, rather, because the vast majority of them were children of unwed mothers. I am furious at Korea for being a country where unwed mothers and their children are ostracized so thoroughly, socially and economically, that adoption seems the only alternative. It is real. I have lived there and I have seen first-hand the level of institutional and social prejudice that stepping out of bounds can incur.
I feel Korea in my cells, in my bones. It is my birthright. And it is my home just as much as this country I live in is. I miss it. The tangible, and even more so, the abstract. The curve of the pipe tile roofs, the pop music blaring from a cosmetic store, the recorded voice in a subway car. More than anything, I miss the smell.
Every once in a while I give in to my longing and I consider moving back. I think of the logistics and measure the possibilities. But every time the same thing stops me. Now, in a different place in life, I have a daughter, and I am not married to her father. I am an unwed mother. I know my daughter would never be accepted. It makes me absolutely crazy that the very thing that most likely expelled me from Korea in the first place, is the same exact thing that keeps me from going back.
Somehow this makes my losses all the more complete, and all the more real. I have reunited with my country, and it doesn’t want me back.
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Organizations that are working to change the circumstances of unwed mothers in Korea:
Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community of Korea (TRACK)
Korean Unwed Mother’s Support Network (KUMSN)
Adoption Solidarity Korea (ASK)
October 4, 2010 at 12:24 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Angry Adoptee, Diversity, Talking about Adoption
We’ve received many comments about this blog; many good, some bad, all interesting. A while ago I was told something that gave me pause. The comment (from an adoptive parent) went something like this: They believed that adoptive parents are negatively triggered by this blog due to the vocalism of the adoptees present here – in the comments as well as the posts- that it brings up the fear that their children may “turn out” like the adoptees on the blog, and that this would be a terrible thing.
My answer was that it was sad they felt that way, because I felt that any adoptive parent should be proud to be the parent of such thoughtful, honest, and introspective men and women.
I see this as yet another example of the disconnect between many adoptees and adoptive parents. Because I know this individual personally, I took their comment with a grain of salt. However, I honor the truth of the sentiment and have no doubt that other readers may feel similarly.
It’s no surprise that, being adopted myself, I disagree with the statement, but the reason why may not be so obvious. I know many adoptees, and although this is not true across the board (adoptees will never be pigeonholed), i’ve found that more often than not, when you look beyond the surface, the adoptees whom a casual observer may most likely label as an “angry adoptee” or see as being the most critical of different aspects of adoption, are often the very ones who have the closest and healthiest relationships with their adoptive parents. It seems counter-intuitive, but I see it over and over again.
I think a healthy and honest relationship with one’s adoptive parents sets the stage, not only for an adoptee to feel safe exploring their own adoption experience, but also to feel safe and comfortable exploring different aspects of adoption as a whole. Some may take this exploration, especially if it includes any criticism of adoption in general, as being rooted in instability or anger. I would call that short-sighted.
When an adoptee makes a critical statement about adoption or adoption practices it doesn’t automatically mean that they are “angry” or have a bad relationship with their parents. Often, the opposite is true, and all it really means is that they’ve been paying attention.
