January 20, 2011 at 10:41 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under The Adoption Constellation
Have you purchased your subscription to The Adoption Constellation magazine yet? The winter issue is in the mail and is
full of thought provoking and interesting articles.
View the first five pages of The Adoption Constellation Winter 2011 issue here!
2010 has been an incredible year of growth within our adoption constellation. Constellation members are reaching out to each other on adoption blogs and having meaningful conversations that are crucial to our understanding of adoption. In her piece Blogging Adoption Livia Montana writes about this resource and gives some great tips to those who are unfamiliar with the blog community.
This past year several reports of adoption disruption and dissolution (most notably the plight of seven year old Russian adoptee, Artyom Savelyev, who’s adoptive mother sent him back to Russia alone on a plane) have brought a rarely discussed topic to the forefront of the adoption community’s consciousness. In this issue, Dawn Friedman thoughtfully examines the subject in her article The Myth of the Forever Family; When Adoptions Fall Apart.
In Laura Willard’s essay Walking the Line, Laura describes the conflicting feelings that arise for her as an adoptive parent who simultaneously loves adoption for the joy it has brought to her life, while loathing it for the loss it has caused her children. Throughout this issue you will also find the artwork and photography of constellation members Sara Roizen, Troy Folsom, Jeanne Modderman and Ed Willard.
The Adoption Constellation magazine has many exciting things planned for this coming year, more thought provoking and inspiring articles, and new features. Be sure to join our facebook page for unpublished behind-the-scenes bonus material, and between-issue updates. 2011 is certain to be another fascinating year in the world of adoption and we are excited to share it with you.
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Submit your writing or art to The Adoption Constellation magazine. Submission guidelines can be found here>>
January 1, 2011 at 10:48 am · Posted by Tara · Filed under Finding a Voice, Guest Blog, Kinship, Talking about Adoption
On this New Year’s Day i’m thinking about this past year blog-wise, and revisiting my favorite blog posts seems an appropriate thing to do. There are far too many to mention them all, but I want to mention some.
2010 started out with They Already Have A Daddy. It was a small glimpse into one couple’s exploration of the possibility of adoption. It was a true story, and my intention was to show this “light bulb” moment they both had during their process. The post went viral within the adoption blog-o-sphere and to this day it still get’s regular weekly hits. Among other things, it created a rich learning experience for everyone at the AM Blog. It’s companion piece is Blog Commenter “M”.
One of my favorite posts this year was a guest post by Dawn Friedman who blogs at This Woman’s Work. The post is titled There Is Enough Love. She writes: (Penny is her daughter, Madison’s, birth mother. They have an open adoption)
Here’s the thing: My daughter’s love for Pennie has nothing to do with me although its presence is part of our relationship, too. Because I have two kids, I know that you can love people totally the same and totally different. I know that love is indefinable and immeasurable. I know that “I love you” means a whole lot of things for which words are inadequate. So I think I understand how Madison can love us both as her mothers and how sometimes her immediate feelings will be stronger one way then stronger the other. That she adores me, I have no doubt. The rest (how much, how often) is details and unimportant ones at that.
It’s not a contest. I tell my own kids that all the time when they bicker over servings of dessert or privileges given to one but not the other. While they may be too young to always trust that there is enough love for everyone, I am older and wise enough to know that it’s true
In her post As If They Were Our Own, Livia, prompted by controversy regarding the census, discusses kinship ties, and considers new perspectives:
“We love her as if she were our own.”
Is the acknowledgement of a child’s adoptive status on a census really the issue? Or it is it the fact that we live in a world where kinship through biology is considered the standard to which all other forms of kinship must be compared to? We don’t even have a language to talk about other forms of kinship, except by comparing them to biological kinship. Either you love this child “as if” you are biologically related, or you don’t “really” love this child.
The post Angry In A Whole New Light explored a topic I had wanted to write about many times, but whenever I started to write, the words just never seemed to come together. Finally I just sat down and wrote it. It’s so strange how the simplest posts sometimes feel so heavy to write:
I know many adoptees, and although this is not true across the board (adoptees will never be pigeonholed), i’ve found that more often than not, when you look beyond the surface, the adoptees whom a casual observer may most likely label as an “angry adoptee” or see as being the most critical of different aspects of adoption, are often the very ones who have the closest and healthiest relationships with their adoptive parents. It seems counter-intuitive, but I see it over and over again.
I think a healthy and honest relationship with one’s adoptive parents sets the stage, not only for an adoptee to feel safe exploring their own adoption experience, but also to feel safe and comfortable exploring different aspects of adoption as a whole. Some may take this exploration, especially if it includes any criticism of adoption in general, as being rooted in instability or anger. I would call that short-sighted.
When an adoptee makes a critical statement about adoption or adoption practices it doesn’t automatically mean that they are “angry” or have a bad relationship with their parents. Often, the opposite is true, and all it really means is that they’ve been paying attention.
Happy New Year everyone!
