Archive for February, 2010
February 26, 2010 at 10:06 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Diversity, Haiti, International Adoption, Media, Race, Transracial Adoption
A friend of mine sent me this article published in the online magazine The Root. It is definitely worth the short time it takes to read the entire article. There’s much that I agree with, and some that I don’t, but I think all of it is valuable. The author Angie Chuang writes: “Bring up race and adoption, and watch people squirm.” Are we still squirming when it comes to these conversations? Or have we advanced to a place where we are now much more comfortable talking about race and adoption? Do any of the things the author writes about surprise you? What do you think?
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February 22, 2010 at 7:09 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Blogs, Finding a Voice, Guest Blog, International Adoption, Our Voices, Search & Reunion
We are honored to have Guest Blogger Huang Mei-Ling help us launch “Our Voices” a new series featuring stories from adoption community members. Visit Mei-Ling at her blog Shadow Between Two Worlds. For more information about Adoption Mosaic Bloggers click here>> The following is an excerpt from her full story. To read Mei-Ling’s full story click here>>.
Phrasebooks are pretty useful for travel dialogue. Unfortunately, they aren’t exactly loaded with dialogues meant for an adult adoptee who has returned to her birth country.
After watching my siblings tease each other in the front seat for a few minutes, I take another deep breath and try to ask another question, speaking slowly and as clearly as possible. “Women hen kuai hui jia ma?” Will we be returning home soon?
My father glances at me. I wonder what he is thinking of me so far, what he thinks of my pitiful Mandarin and my overall receptiveness while in their midst. I wonder what he thinks of me – his daughter from over twenty years ago. “Hen kuai, dui.” Soon, yes.
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February 18, 2010 at 5:39 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Blogs
Recently we learned the identity of the Adoption Mosaic blog commenter “M” (his comments appear on posts: They Already Have a Daddy, Lets Get Real, and Brick by Brick). Among other things, “M” created a learning experience for us at the Adoption Mosaic Blog. We learned that we needed to add a guideline for posting, that preserving a safe space for bloggers and commenters to contribute had to be our number one priority, and we learned (yes we’re a bit slow) that there is a small population of people who, hiding behind a veil of anonymity, make it their priority to attack and purposefully create discord within an on-line community.
The commenter “M” was impersonating an African-American woman. He is, in fact, a white male. He is also a transracial adoptive parent who is involved to a certain degree in the adoption world. Once identified, “M” decided he would no longer comment on the Adoption Mosaic blog. We want readers to know that his comments (or any one’s for that matter) were never censored in any way.
February 14, 2010 at 9:27 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Blogs, Adoption Mosaic, Diversity, Making Connections
One of the core values at Adoption Mosaic is the goal to support and be inclusive of all members of the adoption community, not just in words, but in action. It’s a pretty rare, and undoubtedly admirable ideal, and we could talk for a while about how cool it is, but what I want to mention is how very hard it is.
It is not true of every one, however, many people in the adoption triad don’t regularly rub shoulders with other triad members. Though I count other adoptees to be some of my closest friends, with the exception of family, I hadn’t come into much contact with other triad or community members until I became involved with Adoption Mosaic almost 5 years ago.
When I say it’s hard, what I’m talking about is the subtle (and not very subtle) walls that exist between triad members. I’m talking about the dynamics between white folks and people of color. I’m talking about generational differences and how they shade respect. And I am talking about how deeply, and intensely personal, adoption is to every individual involved and how much everyone has at stake.
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February 8, 2010 at 4:11 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Birth/First parents, Guest Blog
From Guest Blogger Dawn Friedman visit her at www.thiswomanswork.com, and click here>> for more information on Adoption Mosaic Bloggers.
On Saturday we had a big celebration for my son’s bar mitzvah and most of our immediate family were there including our daughter’s birth mom, Pennie. We have a very open adoption with Pennie that has grown in the last 5 and half years to something we have integrated comfortably into the rest of our family life. Pennie is not a special event or a separate experience and for our daughter that has been nothing but good.
The night before the celebration, Madison had a hard time falling asleep. She was excited about the party but she was also worried about something. I left the room to get her a drink of water and when I came back, she was sitting up in bed sobbing.
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February 4, 2010 at 11:33 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Blogs, Diversity, Race
I have been learning so much from this blog. I learn through the process of writing posts, from the web links and resource suggestions people send me, and from the other bloggers and people who join the conversation. But two days ago, I learned something I didn’t expect.
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February 3, 2010 at 10:17 pm · Posted by admin · Filed under Introduction
The goal of the Adoption Mosaic blog is to create a safe space where adoption community members can voice their experience, dialogue about issues, and learn from one another.
We recognize that our diverse community won’t always agree, but feel that disagreements can be vocalized in a respectful manner. In order to ensure our blog remains a safe space for both bloggers and commenters to communicate freely, we ask that commenters follow this simple rule.
February 2, 2010 at 12:07 am · Posted by Livia · Filed under Diversity, Finding a Voice, Race, Talking about Adoption
I’ve been thinking a lot about minorities and power and privilege lately. My thoughts come out of my experiences as a white adoptee.
Adoptees are in the minority in this culture. Most people are not relinquished, and get raised by at least one biological relation. Being part of this minority has enabled me to experience what it’s like to feel silenced and, oftentimes, what it’s like to be an outsider looking in at a culture that is based on blood relations, and a culture that asks me to behave as if I’ve grown up with blood relations.
Being white has enabled me to have the experience of being an insider. Though I still have far to go (and the journey will never actually be over), I’ve traveled from less to more understanding of what people of color go through in this culture. Reflecting on what I’ve learned from that particular journey so far, I realized something completely unexpected: I do understand the resistance of some non-adopted folks and adoptive parents to really listening to adult adoptees.
When those in any minority speak out and express “negative” feelings or criticism, the responses from the dominant culture and those in positions of power/privilege can often range from various forms of not listening/caring to outright attacks and attempts to silence those in the minority by casting them as “angry,” “troubled,” or “troublemakers,” etc.
Other responses by those in the dominant culture can range from feeling attacked, becoming fearful that they’re going to say or do something wrong, and/or finding subtle (and not so subtle ways) to not engage, or be an ally. If you’re in a dominant culture, it can be quite uncomfortable to have your eyes opened to a different/expanded reality. At a certain point it’s easy for discomfort to equal retreat.
And we can’t forget that people are usually taught to think of disagreement as something that’s automatically antagonistic, and discomfort as something to be avoided. Most of us aren’t taught how to respond to disagreement. Difference itself is often considered uncomfortable, and something to be silenced, ignored, made fun of, or pitied.
We need to talk about all of these “differences” and how they make us uncomfortable.
Let’s stop being afraid of talking about race, about adoption, about sexual orientation, etc. Let’s stop speaking in code, and be up front about how we feel.
Let’s commit to being honest about where we are on our journey as adoptive parents, birth/first parents, and adoptees. Let’s agree to be honest when we’re having our buttons pushed. Let’s commit to staying open and actually listen to one another.
This is an invitation to stick with the discomfort and keep going.
