Archive for March, 2010
March 28, 2010 at 7:07 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Guest Blog, Talking about Adoption, Transracial Adoption
From Guest Blogger Kevin D. Hofmann. Visit him at mymindonpaper.wordpress.com and click here>> for more information on Adoption Mosaic Bloggers
“She couldn’t take care of him, so she gave him up for adoption.”
This was always the reply my older brother would give. It was in response to the question, “What happened to his real mom?”
Like the synchronicity of an expensive Swiss watch, this scenario always played out the same right after meeting someone new when I was an adolescent. The inconsistency of skin colors between my family and me was a dead give away. I was adopted, no question about it.
When I was introduced as their son or brother, there was an artificial acceptance by the children. Then once the adults left my new friends would begin the volley of questions.
“He’s your brother?” They would ask, as if my darker skin had the power to make me invisible or deaf.
“Yep.” My brother would respond.
“How?” The curious and uninhibited kids would ask.
“He’s adopted.” My brother would quickly say.
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March 23, 2010 at 1:43 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Records, Census
I just finished filling out my census form and, like many others in the adoption community, was surprised to see the choice of “Biological son or daughter” or “Adopted son or daughter” included in question 2. The census added the adoption statistic to the survey in year 2000 (apparently I was day dreaming that year, because I don’t recall noticing it back then). The census issued a press release on the subject and later a more detailed information sheet.
I know many people in the adoption world are upset about this singling-out of adopted children, for a variety of valid and understandable reasons. The issues range from parents, who have both adopted and birth children, feeling they are being asked to unfairly differentiate between their children, to people who feel the profiling amounts to “othering” – singling-out adoptees as exceptions to the norm, to feelings that the question is personal, and frankly, none of the government’s business. (I am simplifying these positions for the purpose of brevity, but welcome comments that explore them further)
Although I respect and understand these viewpoints, I see it a little differently. It doesn’t bother me when adoptive families are shown to be different. It bothers me much more when they are viewed to be the same.
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March 17, 2010 at 10:38 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Dialogues, Adoption Language, Finding a Voice
We started holding Adoption Dialogues (unscripted conversations on different topics) some time ago. It’s an fascinating and dynamic way to take a subject and dissect it from two different perspectives. The topic this time was adoption language and the dialogue was between an adoptive parent (Kelly) and an adoptee (Shelise). Following is a small snapshot from the language dialogue (to read the full dialogue click here>>).
I think this dialogue, (and this excerpt in particular), is so compelling because it shows the intricacies of adoption language, and how it can potentially create barriers to constructive communication between triad or community members. What do you think?
Shelise: I think that adoption requires a narrative outside the status quo, as to how families are made. Also, since there is usually a lot of emotions involved in the adoption process, how we talk about it can become very tricky.
Kelly: Absolutely, Shelise. Adoption requires that we talk about families in ways that we may not have familiarity or practice with. And I agree that the emotions involved make this process challenging.
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March 10, 2010 at 7:15 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Introduction
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March 5, 2010 at 9:36 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Blogs, Adoption Language, Birth/First parents, Guest Blog
We recently wrapped up our newest, and soon to be released, Adoption Dialogue on adoption language and it has (once again) brought the issue of adoption language to the forefront of my mind. I am reminded of this blog post by adoptive parent and Adoption Mosaic Guest Blogger Dawn Friedman who blogs at This Woman’s Work. She wrote this post last fall and it has stuck with me. (Read the full original post here>>) For those of you who aren’t familiar with Dawn’s family, Dawn is Madison’s adoptive mother, Pennie is Madison’s birth mother.
“It sounds like a very gloomy conversation but it wasn’t. She is very matter of fact about it all. I was just thinking about how she (Madison) says “real real mama” and how that’s supposedly “negative adoption language.” I guess in the mouth of the wrong person it could be but hearing it from my daughter, well, I know what she means.
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