From Guest Blogger Catherine M. Anderson. Visit her at mamacandtheboys.com, and click here>> for more information on Adoption Mosaic Bloggers.

One Tier at a Time: One Adoptive Mother’s Climb to Racial Awareness and Parenting (thoughts originated from postings at Adoptive Families Circle)

I am the mother of a transracial family. I have a five year old black son and a two year old biracial son via donor. I feel like I have reached a new tier in my racial awareness in the last year. I have gone from thinking (about five years ago) something like this; “Oh yeah I get it-because look at my family, I have to get it.” to “WHOA I don’t get it at all. I have so much work to do, where do I begin?” (Actually, I am always going to be in this phase, my reading, connecting, asking questions, reading, connecting phase) to “We have to talk about this, about RACE, about what our children are experiencing all the time.” And I do talk about it all the time.

I talk about it, I blog about it, I engage anyone who will listen about it. Now I feel like I am outside of the big game at recess and suddenly I am not sure if I will be picked to play on “their” team, and I am not sure I want to. I am posting this here, to hear other people’s experiences and “AH-HA” moments with their own evolution to racial awareness. How has it impacted your adult peer groups (the ones with or w/o children) your choices, your life?

Raising a child of a different race is the most life changing event for me— In my estimation it eclipses being a parent period. The two are related, but at the same time my racial consciousness is OMNI present, and demanding of constant tending to in the outside world as well as my private home world. Whereas my parenting for parenting sake is something I tend to daily, or minute by minute in cases, but I do not need to be as hyper-vigilant about it. Does that make sense?

Our jobs as transracial parents are so multi-layered. In my case, I think about my sons at 15, 18, 21 etc as my marker for what I need to work on next. I mean I want them to travel the world with internal strength and confidence as black men, as an adoptee in Sam’s case, as men, and as men raised by a white woman and family… I can’t expect them to just wake up to those things because they are black/biracial as teens. That would be like raising me on a deserted island, bringing me to civilization at fifteen, and saying; “Off you go then. Thrive. What? Aren’t your coping skills genetic?” That image keeps me in line. Is it too extreme? I don’t think so. Do you?