February 18, 2010 at 5:39 pm · Posted by Tara · Filed under Adoption Blogs
Recently we learned the identity of the Adoption Mosaic blog commenter “M” (his comments appear on posts: They Already Have a Daddy, Lets Get Real, and Brick by Brick). Among other things, “M” created a learning experience for us at the Adoption Mosaic Blog. We learned that we needed to add a guideline for posting, that preserving a safe space for bloggers and commenters to contribute had to be our number one priority, and we learned (yes we’re a bit slow) that there is a small population of people who, hiding behind a veil of anonymity, make it their priority to attack and purposefully create discord within an on-line community.
The commenter “M” was impersonating an African-American woman. He is, in fact, a white male. He is also a transracial adoptive parent who is involved to a certain degree in the adoption world. Once identified, “M” decided he would no longer comment on the Adoption Mosaic blog. We want readers to know that his comments (or any one’s for that matter) were never censored in any way.
maybe wrote @ February 19th, 2010 at 9:10 am
Sad that he feels the need to go to such lengths to shut-down discussion about the complexities of adoption.
Tara wrote @ February 19th, 2010 at 11:11 am
There is a wikipedia definition of the “internet troll” but I found this over at Writing My Wrongs and I liked it much more.
“An Internet “troll” is a person who delights in sowing discord on the Internet. He tries to start arguments and upset people.
Trolls see Internet communications services as convenient venues for their bizarre game. For some reason, they don’t “get” that they are hurting real people. To them, other Internet users are not quite human but are a kind of digital abstraction. As a result, they feel no sorrow whatsoever for the pain they inflict. Indeed, the greater the suffering they cause, the greater their ‘achievement’ (as they see it). At the moment, the relative anonymity of the net allows trolls to flourish.
Trolls are utterly impervious to criticism (constructive or otherwise). You cannot negotiate with them; you cannot cause them to feel shame or compassion; you cannot reason with them. They cannot be made to feel remorse. For some reason, trolls do not feel they are bound by the rules of courtesy or social responsibility.
Perhaps this sounds inconceivable. You may think, ‘Surely there is something I can write that will change them.’ But a true troll can not be changed by mere words. – Internet Trolls”
sheri wrote @ February 19th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
As a co-founder, fan, and friend of Adoption Mosaic, I am a silent, but present, member of the dialogs that take place on this blog. I confess I much prefer the face to face discussions that helped create Mosaic and serve to this day as a foundational element of my journey as an adoptive parent. While I see the importance and power of the on-line community, they do not nurture me(though, a dear friend pointed out that my preference of the face-to-face is likely as much generational than temperamental!).
The recent discussions prompted by thoughtful and personal blogs by Tara, and Livia, expanded upon by numerous others and used by “M” for his own ends, have pulled me out of my silence (finally). So many people had the courage and patience to engage in this on-line dialog, risked exposing themselves and their feelings, and now must feel betrayed beyond words for that exposure. On the one hand, I see my hesitation to blog about personal feelings was based on real fears. On the other hand, I am embarrassed that I let friends I respect risk themselves without offering support. I do not know how to be an ideal adoptive parent, but I do know that without a community of people who can accept me for who I am, the mistakes I have made and those mistakes that are yet to come, I will never become the best I can be.
Thank you Tara, Livia, Shelise, Astrid, and others. My role as an adoptive parent is the most important and complex one I have ever undertaken. I do not have a road map of how to do it well, though believe if we continue engaging in this dialog, we will create a draft of one that will be a legacy to my daughters. And they, in turn, will edit, revise and continue the never ending task of perfecting it.
Hopefully, however, we can have at least a few of these conversations over coffee. My 53 year old self just enjoys them more.
If “M” is the person I think he is (after reading his comments), he has pulled this stunt at several other adoption blogs and forums. I do not know why he does this, but it definitely shows a lack of personal integrity.
I too think “M” may have been on my blog . I had made it a rule(one I have since changed) to never address comments on my blog but after some of his comments I was chomping at the bit to get at him. This is the only time this proved to be a GREAT rule.
I am a transracial adoptee and I was blogging about a sensitive racial issue and he really played the antagonist role well. He got so many people upset and in the end revealed he was just toying with everyone. WHAT is the point?
The positive from it was that it was a great exercise for some in how to respond if presented with someone like that again.
Tamera wrote @ May 3rd, 2010 at 3:43 pm
I, as many others have had conversation exchange with this individual. I have to say as both an Adoptee and a Birth Mother it makes me very sad that he is an adoptive parent. There is no way you can say many of the things he said, as well as participat in the type of malicious dialogue he often choose to put out there and be the understanding supportive parent you need to be to children you adopt.
I hope he finds some new way of being and is enlightend in some way to his approach on the subject of adoption…if for nothing else, his kids sake. T
Josie wrote @ May 3rd, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Amen Tamera!
